This Passion is a Plagarism.

(Source : pleatedjeans)

Nu-uh girl, no frownies. This a good thing. I became so caught up in my emotions and being sad that I realized how ungrateful I was being to everyone who actually does care about me. I realized how ungrateful I was being to myself and that’s just stupid. You know that love and relationships are important to me, and I always felt like I would be my best when I had someone else. But my happiness shouldn’t be dependent on another person. It starts with me. So I’m gonna try really hard to start appreciating myself more and doing things that make me happy, so I can stop thinking about everything that’s been bringing me down. It’s all brain-clutter anyway.

Anyways, thanks for being there for me all the time. I think we should start a baseball team. 

So for the last few weeks, the most reoccurring theme was me being reminded that I invested so much time in someone who could never understand how much they meant to me. It’s been really stressful and heartbreaking among other things. Plus, I missed my AP and no one helped me because the New York City school system is a joke. I also saw My Chemical Romance a little while ago and that was the best, but that didn’t erase the fact that I felt so miserable.

After having a few breakdowns the moment after I woke up and right before I went to sleep, I feel a lot better.

High school is winding down and I’m seeing a lot of statuses like “This is the last time I’m doing x and y in high school” or “Last day of something I did a lot in the last four years” and that’s cool. I thought I didn’t have any of those, but that’s not true. Now that high school is ending, I’ll never wind up crying in a Brooklyn Tech bathroom stall. I’ll never end up standing behind someone stepping in front of a vending machine. I’ll never again be scolded for taking free water. I’ll never have to do another speech or Harvard outline for Ms. Lehrman. Never again will anyone think my last name is Kim. So yea, high school, not a big deal to me. Sorry.

Then there’s that guy I liked for a very long time. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m tired. I wondered how I became so bitter in the last two years and it’s because I’ve wasted every bit of kindness I could on someone who didn’t deserve it. I felt useless all the time and this whole thing just made me feel worse about myself. To some degree, I still believe that I’m not good enough because I allowed this to happen. But it doesn’t hurt anymore. If there was a reason why it still does hurt, it’s because he promised that he’d kill anyone who’d ever hurt me, he said he’d never take advantage of me and it was like he really believed it, but he couldn’t have. All he did was hurt and take advantage of me and he didn’t even know it. And I let him. That’s the worst part. 

But I promised myself that I would get better and I am. I don’t smoke cigarettes as much as I did for the last few months. I may be getting a job. I’m drinking more water and tea. I bought a new pipe. I’m considering getting a tattoo. I still wanna learn how to ride a bike. I’m going to prom. I’m gonna graduate. Lots of things to look forward to, so I’m glad I got all this cumbersome shit off my back.

It’s a shame that my own emotions for someone allowed me to let that person’s opinion dictate the way I see myself. I’m actually a pretty cool person. With a nice butt. I’m not stupid nor am I often characterized as immature, I possess a good sense of humor, can hold a conversation about anything but sex (anything buttsex), and I know how to be a decent human being. We were wrong for each other.

Also, two bitches on deck. Unrequited love can blow me.

I’ve had horrible eyesight for pretty much all of high school so it was about time I get myself something to help that. I know I should have gotten glasses because they’re practical, but I felt uncomfortable spending that much money on glasses even though I know I’ll eventually have to. So I went to LensCrafters today and made a complete idiot of myself because the guy who was assisting me was cute.

So I have a problem remembering my right from my left without doing the “L” with my hand. I don’t know why I’m so bad at it, I missed that day of school when this was taught. So whenever the doctor or this assistant guy would tell me right or left, I would fuck it up. And I looked so fucking stupid.

The doctor was quiet. I mean, he talked, but he spoke very soft and low. He was a nice guy though and was thorough with his explanations, which obviously helped a lot. He didn’t try to make any weird or corny jokes. I told him that my uncle used to be an optometrist and he was really into that. Are all optometrists into other optometrists? It seemed that way.

The second to worst part about the entire thing was putting on and taking off my contacts. The assistant helped me with that. I’ve never had contacts before so it took a few minutes of me scratching my eye with my nail and looking really gross spreading my eye open in front of him like that until I finally got it together. The good news is that he was really nice about all of it and told me I’d get even more used to it soon.

Now the worst part of it was paying for it. When he told me to follow him to the counter, I took a seat next to him behind the counter. And then he looked really confused and told me that I was supposed to stand on the other side of the counter because FUCKING DUH. Like what the fuck was I on? Never in my life have I fucked up this badly in front of a guy. I know sometimes I get a little awkward and I know at times I try too hard, but this was so bad. So I just looked down and said “This is so fucking awkward.” But once again, he decided to be nice to me and laugh it off, but also agreed.

And now I have to see them again next Wednesday. -_- 

No, but I’ve done your mom.

"When your name is Barack Obama, it’s always close."

The President weighed in on his reelection chances this morning on The View.  (via barackobama)


obama, u so sassy. 

Hey, go home.

Stop crying in my house. I’m not going to talk to you. I’m not going to ask if you’re okay. We’ve been through this before, girl. You need to go home. You’re here all the time. You guys spend too much time together. Go home. This is like the second time you’ve done this, this week. You need to pack your shit, go home and just chill there for a while. This is my house. I get zero privacy, don’t have my own room, and you get to sleep on two different beds in this house pretty much every night for the last 11 months. And I dealt with it. I deal with you never turning off the hair straightener, leaving the door wide open, and you guys eating all my food. But I refuse to get involved again. You should be at that point in your relationship where you either break up or learn to cope with each other because what you’re doing right now is selfish and not cool and most importantly, occurring in my house and that needs to stop. So go leave. You can come back. But there is no reason for you to be here now. There is no reason for you to be sniffling behind me or sneaking to have a smoke in the bathroom.

You need to go home.

I would honestly cry at the sight.

(Source : casanova-frankenstein91)

this happens to me.